Embodiment: Speaking from Self

As a marriage and family therapist practicing in New York, I recently experienced one of those transformative “aha” moments during a group supervision session. Robert M. Sapolsky describes this as “pattern separation,” or a type of “aha” moment, determined by our biology and past experiences, with integration of new information into preexisting schemas of the brain. For me, this breakthrough illuminated the critical difference between speaking reactively and communicating from a truly embodied sense of self. 

Think of biting into a spicy jalapeno or tasting Karda Parshad – a uniquely sweet offering served at all Gurdwaras or Sikh houses of worship. Observing someone else enjoy these sensations, no matter how expressive, can never fully capture the visceral experience of tasting it yourself. Embodiment works similarly: true understanding arises from direct, lived experience. Ironically, when eager to share my newfound insight on embodiment, I reflexively turned to a quintessentially modern form of disembodiment—ChatGPT.  

Like myself, an American-born Sikh, asking non-Sikh Americans what they feel are the most important aspects of the Sikh religion, I asked AI, with no possible lived experience on embodiment, for an outline for this article. ChatGPT instantaneously spit out a framework including the role of the body in communication, why words aren’t enough, finding the right place in your body from which to respond, integrating this into your daily life, and finally, the impact of embodied communication. The truth is, given my busy schedule with clients and administrative tasks, the outline seemed practical at the time. 

I conscientiously filled in this AI-generated structure with my own insights referencing the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT[1]) and mind-body therapies, and believed the piece was adequately infused with my own voice. Yet, when I ran the article through Quillbot.com’s AI grammar detection tool, the analysis bluntly revealed that my article was 74% AI generated. The irony was not lost on me. Like asking a mirror how it feels to be seen, I was writing about a deeper communication, and I had outsourced the embodiment of my message to a machine. It brought me back to the core message I was working to express: embodiment must come from a presence in a felt, lived place. 

            Embodiment arises naturally when we counter our primal tendency for pain avoidance and pleasure seeking. Renowned thinkers like Dr. Stan Tatkin and Robert M. Sapolsky emphasize that we must do the “right thing when it is the hard thing to do”. Embodied communication emerges only when we intentionally slow down, turn inward to access and enlist our intentional, declarative memory and be present in our bodies to appreciate and integrate our state in our response. 

            In my therapeutic practice, I am often surprised by the power of embodied communication and how it transforms emotional reactivity into meaningful dialogue. One client, for instance, described a vacation scenario where they woke up early, got ready, and after eating breakfast returned to find their partner still asleep.  They described immediately reacting with anger, a natural and predictable response of our amygdala, the brain’s primary stress mediator. The heightened arousal within the session was palpable. Valuing my felt sense of curiosity, I implemented an intervention from a deeper, more embodied perspective, enabling the client to safely connect with their embodied emotional sense. For the patient, this deeper inquiry uncovered a feeling of judgement and a sense of powerlessness, born during a difficult childhood filled with attachment injuries. Invited to reflect their wish in that moment, they formulated a more tender embodied response and said in a quiet humble tone, “I really just missed you and wished you were with me that morning.” In that moment the energy in the room shifted. An opening was offered and the receiving partner shared how they now empathically felt emptiness in their own chest, and from here a new healthy pattern emerged. 

            In addition to the power to open a deeper, authentic conversation, embodiment can also profoundly affect how couples navigate fairness and justice within relationships. Without embodied awareness, even well-intentioned compromises can lead to ongoing imbalance –what my mentor Yoon Im Kane describes as “becoming compromised through compromise.”

            Consider Jason and Alexandra, a couple struggling with commitment and effective communication. Their exchanges were frequently reactive – “You just won’t commit!”, “You are never happy!” – masking deeper, hidden anxieties. When prompted to scan her body, Alexandra described a tightness in her chest and shifted from protective defenses to authentic vulnerability, where her loneliness was buried underneath her consciousness.  Fear of isolation and urgency on starting a family were embedded physically in her body.

            During our session, I gently guided Alexandra to place Jason’s hand on her chest where her bodily discomfort was most tangible. Embodied communication through this powerful gesture immediately shifted their defensive cycle toward shared understanding and compassion. Historically, Alexandra had bypassed bodily awareness, settling instead for staying above the surface of her emotions and only in her thoughts and ideas,  which undermined her sense of self and purpose. Now, grounded firmly in her embodied self, Alexandra reclaimed her agency and voice, fostering genuine and balanced resolutions within her relationship. 

            Ultimately, true embodiment calls us toward authenticity over avoidance, presence over performance. Whether navigating intimate relationships or facilitating therapeutic breakthroughs, the path of embodiment invites us into profound vulnerability and truth, enabling us to access the deepest wisdom our bodies have to offer. Embracing this path enriches our connections, cultivating relationships that are vibrant, authentic, and enduringly meaningful.

Originally posted at https://www.mindful.nyc/blog/2025/7/9/embodiment-speaking-from-self 

References

Sapolsky, R. M. (2017). Behave: the biology of humans at our best and worst. Penguin Press. 

Tatkin, S. (2018). We do: saying yes to a relationship of depth, true connection, and enduring love. Sounds True.

[1] In PACT, embodiment is foundational to relational healing; it centers the body as the primary site of emotional regulation, safety, and connection. Rather than relying solely on cognitive insight, PACT emphasizes what is felt and sensed between partners in real time, allowing change to occur through direct nervous system engagement and moment-to-moment interaction.